I have been struggling with finding the right balance lately.
The right balance between, teaching lessons but also just allowing B(and myself honestly) to be herself and freedom in choices.
Bigger than that is the balance between work and home. Everyday when we get home, I have to start dinner right away, feed the dogs, let them out, get B drink ect. There is little time to read a book, build blocks, rock baby dolls. This leave B in a complete and utter despair. She dosen't get it, that you have to cook, to be able to eat. She is contantly pushing me away from the stove, taking my hand pulling me to sit with her. The biggest hearbreak though is when she brings a book to the kitchen says read please and I know that if I do, everything will burn or be inediable in some fashion. Lately she has resigned to putting her head between my legs, and pushing until I can barely stand. Her tiny little body being stronger than I give it credit for, but her will is the strongest of all. She is persistant, and will continue to whine, cry, moan, throw tantrums, until I know that she has missed me, and she needs some TLC from a mommy who's been gone 8+ hours. The whining has to be the worst and I think she knows I feel that way, she uses it the best.
I have tried to let her be involved in the cooking process, but she is still a little young to be there with raw things, and utensils, and was completly freaked by the cracking of eggs.
I have tried snacks, that seems to work for about 5 minutes, since she's a human garbage can, and then she refuses to eat dinner.
Last night was a low for me, she walked in the house and said "mickey please" so I went in the living room and turned on the t.v. I promised myself that my children would learn self play without television. I promised myself they the first thing we did everyday would not be turn the tv on. This is not a practice I will be making a habit. BUT, I have to admit, it was NICE. I got dinner started, dogs feed, let out, dinner finished, dishes put away before she even realized what was happening.
Sadly enough Mickey dosen't last longer than 28 minutes.
With that part of the night behind us, Matt finally home, dinner on the table. I found myself again trying to balance. Balance teaching a lesson of not playing around while we are eating , but still allowing her to be silly and funny and herself.
I think I finally found that balance after dinner when I let go of the need to clear the table right away, and helped her try on shoes that she found waiting to go up to her room, rain boots from Ella. She loved them...until she discovered the sherpa crocs, which she loved even more.
And then it was bedtime, and the great balance continues another day.....
